Archives for Dog Humor category
1 Aug
Have you ever looked at your puppy or dog and wondered just what they were thinking?? Sure you do… I know I do sometimes. Well, here’s some ideas of just what may be going thru your precious canine companion’s mind on occasion!
Now you know what they were thinking!! :D
18 Jul
On the first day of creation,
God created the dog.
On the second day,
God created man to serve the dog.
On the third day,
God created all the animals of the earth
to serve as potential food for the dog.
On the fourth day,
God created honest toil so that man
could labor for the good of the dog.
On the fifth day,
God created the tennis ball so that
the dog might or might not retrieve it.
On the sixth day,
God created veterinary science to keep
the dog healthy and the man broke.
On the seventh day,
God tried to rest,
but He had to walk the dog.
Author Unknown
14 Jul
This is one determined little pug puppy who really wants its treats and one cat that really doesn’t want to give them up. :))
10 Jul
Adam and Eve said, ‘Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us.’
And God said, I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves.’
And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve. And it was a good animal And God was pleased.
And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail .
And Adam said, ‘Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.’
And God said, ‘I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG.’
Do you spoil your dog? See how many of these you answer yes to…
Signs You Spoil Your Dog:
1. You think begging for table scraps is beneath him so you let your dog eat at the table with you.2. You take him to the supermarket and let him pick out his own dog food.
3. Your family comes home from work or school, looks at the stew on the stove and asks: “Is this people food or dog food?”
Pets, like children, should be tax deductible especially since so many of us think of them as our children. Reports show that the pet industry tops 40 billion dollars, shouldn’t we, as pet owners, be able to claim a bit back for ourselves??
Click on image to see fullsize and zoom in
NOTE: This form is presented as humor only. Not to be mistaken as a real IRS form unless you want to be audited from here til the next century! 
Excerpts from a Dog’s Daily Diary
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
Someone sent me this story and I had to share it, too cute and funny!! I don’t know who wrote it but I have a feeling many of you will be able to identify 
A Trip to the Vet… Priceless!
Okay, so maybe I’m not really a dog person.
Or maybe… I’m not really a VET person. That’s probably closer to the truth!
A year and a half ago, being the lone crusader against canine invasion in our home, I was overcome with a case of guilt-induced psychosis and crashed.
Let’s face it, I caved, I conceded, I sold my spineless soul to the dog-eat-dog devil. I agreed to get a dog. And not just any dog… a Bordie-Collie-Cross with attachment/dependency-disorder.
Now originally, my crusade began on the platform that getting a dog would mean having to spend half the day picking up dog logs. According to my husband, this is, indeed, true. But for the record, what I’d really like to do is go back to my list of arguments and refer to objection #3, #142 and #267. Ridiculous vet bills.
I’m not saying this because I need to be objectionable. I’m saying this because I need to be right. If you’ve got a dog you’ll know what I mean.
Case in point? Yesterday. Now normally, having a Bordie-Collie-Cross with attachment/dependency-disorder means never having to say “Come here.” Radar is at your heel 24/7.
No moment is exempt. No moment is sacred. So yesterday, when I’m sitting in the bathroom alone for the first time in a year and a half, I know something’s seriously wrong. A search of the house finds him curled up on the floor in the bedroom, eyes glassy, drooling like a St. Bernard (he never drools) and when the doorbell rings he barely lifts his head. I panic.
Liz took her litter of cocker spaniel puppies to the veterinary clinic for their inoculations and deworming.
As the look alike pups squirmed over and under one another in their box, the vet realized it would be difficult to tell the treated ones from the rest. The veterinarian turned on the tap over the sink, wet her fingers, and moistened each dog’s head when she had finished.
After the fourth puppy, the vet noticed the usually talkative Liz had grown silent. As the vet sprinkled the last pup’s head, Liz leaned forward and whispered, ‘I hadn’t realized that they had to be baptized.’
4 Jun
Ok, I had to do it… this was just too funny not to share. As you read this does any of it hit close to home? Now I’ll be honest, my two are actually really good dogs. About the worst they do is track mud and they really don’t have too many options there but I do have friends with dogs and some of the stories…. Well, let’s just say this makes me think of some of them!
An open letter to my dog (the bad one)
To: My basset hound
DEAR Jasper: I realize that, being a basset hound, it is highly unlikely you will actually read today’s column, but at this point I’ve run out of ideas for communicating with you and am pretty much willing to try anything.
So, let’s consider this an intervention. What I’m trying to say is your recent behaviour has been less than acceptable, not that your track record is anything to brag about.
Do I need to remind you about that Christmas fiasco? That’s right, the time you found a 20-pound sack of flour in the kitchen, ripped it open, ate about five pounds worth, then gulped down your entire water dish and rolled in the rest of the flour to ensure you were evenly coated in a thick, white, dripping mass of glue, which you then tracked throughout the living room while testing out the new leather sofa and every single chair to see which was the most comfortable.
But that’s ancient history. I think we can agree things have been sort of going downhill from there. Just for fun, why don’t we start with what you did in the living room yesterday.
Can you show me in the Official Dog Handbook the part where it says: After eating a bunch of grass and the remains of a dead squirrel, never throw up outside if there’s a perfectly good carpet in the living room.
Hey, there’s more to life than food! I’m serious. You can’t eat everything. For example, and this will be a big surprise, Kleenex, paper towels, discarded “hygiene” products, small pieces of wood and plastic bags from Safeway are not considered edible.
A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man.
The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog was allowed on the plane. The second man explained that he was a DEA agent and that the dog was a ’sniffing dog’. “His name is Sniffer and he’s the best there is. I’ll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work.”
The plane took off, and once it has leveled out, the agent said, “Watch this.”
He told Sniffer to “search”. Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the agent’s arm. The agent said, “Good boy”, and he turned to the man and said, “That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I’m making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.
LIVER & CHEESE
Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street
when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.
The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an
effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up
arriving in front of her at the same time.
The males are speechless before her beauty,
slobbering on themselves and hoping for just
a glance from her in return.
Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on
the three suitors, she decides to be kind
and tells them, ” The first one who can use
the words ‘liver’ and ‘cheese’ together in
an imaginative, intelligent sentence can
go out with me.”
The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly
and says, “I love liver and cheese.”
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